Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
