Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
