dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
