btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im six kinds of drunk right now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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