the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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