watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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