Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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