If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
