do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
