I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
