what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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