I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
