I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
