I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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