And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize