FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
