I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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