i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
