so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
