Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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