I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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