I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
