you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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