Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Please don't give away my fajitas
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
