The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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