1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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