I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
