so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need moral support for this bender
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
