mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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