He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
