Betty ford says i'm here all night
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
