Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
