I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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