Say something about gay babies.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
