We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
