Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
