Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
