Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
