if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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