Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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