can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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