woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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