is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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