Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
