I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You can't special order awesome
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
