At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
