So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
