4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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