Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
