I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
