At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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