could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
