R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
