I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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