dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
