my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
