i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize