the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
