You're earring is so big in my mouth
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
