I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
