I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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