my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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