I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
