Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm passing your future prison.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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