Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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