I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
